Change…..Change is good. Life changes…..would I change my life if I could?
You know, it’s interesting this came up. The hubs and I just watched a movie the other night, “Remember me”. Kind of a dark movie, with a twist at the end, and it turned me into a blubbering mess! But it brought us into a philosophical discussion.
I could say that I would love to change the fact that my father died when I was 10. And I would love to change the fact that my brother lost his life at 25. I would love the change that my step father passed just two short years after my brother did, and who was left? Me with my mom. Sure I have other family, and I love them dearly, but the ones that spent the time…..me and my mom. And I would love to say that I would change all of those things. I would love to change a lot of things I’ve done, people I’ve hurt, things I’ve done, love I’ve shared…..or not shared. But I wouldn’t.
I would love to have had my father see me grow up, I would love to have had fights with him about who I was seeing and when. I would have loved to have him walk me down the aisle at my wedding. But God had a different plan. And those things were not in his plan.
I wish my brother wouldn’t have left so soon. And in the movie the question was “If he could hear you, what would you tell him?” And my answer is the same as in the movie….”I love you, God I miss you, and I forgive you”! And as much as I so wish these things would change…..would I change them? Not in a heartbeat.
I am who I am because of what has happened in my life. I am a product of all my life’s experiences. You change 1/10th of a second and your whole life is different. I like who I am, I like who I have become. I don’t want to be someone different.
I do feel that because of the loss that I have suffered in life, I tend to cherish things a little more. I believe that time is short….WE just are not privy to that time frame. I do tell people that I know that tell me about differences they have with their families and how they don’t talk to them and such. DON’T WAIT! CALL THEM, Tell them you love them in spite of the differences. Because Time is short…..LIFE, is short. I do believe I have the admiration and respect for my mom, and the sacrifices she made for me as a mom, more so because I witnessed it all, I was there and I saw what she went through, and now even more that I am a mom.
I do believe that there are lessons in everything we do. And some, we learn right away and others we have to bang our head against the wall expecting a different result. And that result will never come!
The experiences we have shape who we are. They transform your soul. And that is why being a mom, to me is not just about protecting my children, and teaching them right from wrong….it’s so much more. The experiences they have, the people they come in contact with, the things they see….THAT is what shapes their soul. It’s not just a miracle that they grow inside for 9 months….what is also a miracle is that God chose ME to shape who they are….what they will become….and the experiences they have! That’s a pretty tall order.
So would I change anything about my life…..NOT. ONE. SECOND!
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