Thomas started preschool today, and after Our last mishap with a day care setting, and my last moment of mommy guilt pertaining to that day care situation. I still considered her my friend, and I did hand pick them to love and guide my children while I could not be there with them, and she still destroyed it all....and for that I feel I have the right to be angry and hurt. And I know they could still care less.
So, I was a little hesitant. It's hard to trust again. Thomas on the other hand went bounding in there, happy as a lark. He did tell me on the way over there that he wanted me to stay with him all day. So I was nervous....nervous he wouldn't want me to leave, he would cry and I wouldn't be able to leave him. He's been staying with Grandma during the day, they go to the park and to the library and shopping and all kinds of fun stuff, so for me to have to leave him in a place he didn't want to be would be hard.
He wandered around the room meeting new kids, checking out new toys and mommy cried in the corner. His teacher told me not to worry about it, it happens all the time. So I said I'm sure it didn't, but that's okay, and I laughed. And he jumped right up and waved to me through the window and sent me on my way blowing me a kiss. I felt like the child and he the adult, for a moment.
He did great, and enjoyed himself, but I couldn't wait to get there this afternoon to pick him up and see how his day was. He ran across the playground screaming "MOMMY, MOMMY" and he gave me the biggest hug! He then told me all about it, what he did, where they went, and how he had to cover his ears at quiet time because a little girl wouldn't stop talking, and when he did that, he was able to nap. He was excited they had Thomas sized pottys, and he went pee 3 times before I even left!
And for a moment, I felt okay, all my mommy guilt has been dissipated....
until tomorrow morning when I drop him off again, and the fear, hurt and anger start all over again.
My Little Miracles