Starting from the beginning....
I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, there was never a question in my mind, so you can imagine my horror when I lost a baby at 16 1/2 weeks and the doctor told me that I would never carry a child full term. After test after test I was told if I did get pregnant it would most likely be an ectopic pregnancy due to scar tissue and because of that scar tissue I would not be able to carry a baby full term.
I was crushed, and it hurt a little bit more each time one of my friend had no problem getting pregnant and all the babies just came popping out. After a while I kind of gave up hope of ever having a child of my own. I would never hear a little voice call me "Mommy" and I would never hear that same voice say "I Love You Mommy". I would never have the opportunity to help my child learn, and see and grow. My heart ached for a child of my own, so much so that it interfered with relationships.
I had met Steven years before from some mutual friends, he was married at the time as was I. Both childless. I had been with an ex who had a vasectomy right after he found out I was pregnant and when I miscarried he basically was relieved and didn't make any attempt to reverse the vasectomy, and now I am glad that he didn't! I did have a step daughter for a little while though. Steven's ex couldn't have children, they tried with no results. So when we met up years later, he was single, I was single....living in Michigan at the time, but that was quickly remedied. We dated and can you imagine the shock and terror that I felt when that little box was populated with the words PREGNANT! I was worried about not carrying the baby full term, miscarrying after only 4 or 5 months! The possibilities are endless as to what could go wrong.
I wouldn't let anyone, not even myself buy ANYTHING for the baby. I did tell everyone, friends, family, coworkers, and even then I wouldn't accept their well wishes. We had an ultrasound at 12 weeks, and I saw the baby, he was an active little guy, but still, it didn't mean everything was okay, I miscarried the first one at almost 17 weeks. So at 20 weeks, we saw the heartbeat and made sure he had all his parts, which he did, and for a little while I was relieved, and then realized that some babies don't make it through birth and through the pregnancy and everything. I was nervous a lot of the time and would panic when I didn't feel him move enough. But not to worry, not only was he perfect in every way....he was 9lbs, 9 oz Full Term baby!!
When Thomas was 9 months, I saw that nice little pink line that said GUESS WHAT....YOU'RE PREGNANT! So that was Steven's anniversary present and since he was born one week before my birthday, he was my birthday present! I tried not to be nervous with the second baby, despite the pains and such that I felt while on a cruise at about 8 weeks. We had ultrasound after ultrasound and all came up clear and of course another BOY on the way!
We bought a house, figuring we would have at least a month to move in, perfect everything, paint, put in carpet, and have a housewarming party all before the little one came along. Yeah, not so much! His scheduled csection was planned for Sept. 30th, and he was born Sept. 6, and his original due date was October 9th. Once he was born, I saw him for about 30 seconds, 7lbs 13 oz of perfect baby, before the wisked him away to the NICU due to respiratory distress. So while I lay on the table getting stapled shut, my baby was being entubated and all kinds of IVs put in through his umbilical cord and tubes being put down his nose. After I was done, I couldn't even sit up to see him in the NICU because my blood pressure would drop and I would barf. So while laying down I held his little hand for a moment! Then the fantastic news that not only would he be in the NICU but they didn't have room for him in THAT NICU, so he was transferred to a different hospital. They brought him by in his transport unit at about 4:30am but I wasn't able to touch him or hold him!
He stayed 5 days in the NICU, and I stayed 4 days in the hospital. And we took home a beautiful, perfect, little miracle! He did have one hospital stay at about 4 months old due to RSV and some prematurity issues, but he is healthy and thriving today!
So for someone who was told they would never have children, and another who was under the impression he would never have children, we did pretty good huh?
Miracles do happen, we are watching ours grow everyday!
My Little Miracles
16 comments:
What an amazing story!! I love miracle babies! My son is my miracle. I had 5 miscarriages before I finally had him. He is a gift. :) Thanks for sharing your story!!
What a strong, deserving mama!
I guess that just makes them all the more special. I am glad you included this bit about you and your family. It is sometimes hard to navigate a blog if you don't really know where people are coming from! :D
Love your story! It has such a happy ending. You are truly blessed!
keep showing people that miracles do really happen ^_________^
what a beautiful story. i can appreciate how the fear must have been almost crippling you were going to lose the babies each time you got pregnant--how wonderful you were able to have two children. yes, miracles do happen. i logged on to SITS after you...so you weren't the last!! have a great sunday. dianeswords.wordpress.com
That is an amazing story. thanks for sharing it!
Thanks for sharing your story. You have two beautiful children to show for all your love!
So, I just found this post on your page and realized that you don't have twins, you have two boys that were born at separate times. :-) I assumed from the picture on your page that they were twins. So please excuse my comment from the other day.....oops! Your boys are SO adorable by the way!
Put me in the camp of people who thought you had twins, too. Oops! My daughter was also born early, but now you wouldn't know (other than the fact that she remains in the first percentile for weight).
stopping by from SITS. I am doing the back to blogging event as well. I love your story it is amazing what you are able to endure for your little ones isn't it? I to have surprised myself with my first born.
What an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing. Its heart breaking loose a child and then to be told you wont have any more is even more so. My husband and I had been trying to have a for 8 years when we has our son. Born at 22 weeks 4 days. He lived for 2 hours and 10 min and then passed on. We have been trying to get pg for 2 months since then. I sure hope it does not take the 8 years it did before. Your story gives me some hope. Thank you
I am stopping by from sits.
Emalee
Just stumbled upon your blog and you do have an amazing story. I also suffered loss and know that feeling that your dreams of mommyhood may not come true. So glad that you have your two boys and nice to "meet" you!
Wow- I was reading this whole story thinking, 'what is next?' Sad- but well written.
And I just read your 'whole story' page, which I hadn't read the first time I read.
It really moved me- especially now that in my job, I get to work in OB and do anesthesia for deliveries and what not. Back when I was an ICU nurse, I always though I'd hate working with 'whiny women giving birth', but I've found that some of my favorite times have been doing c-sections and epidurals for 'whiny' women (not really whiny) giving birth.
It is the coolest thing, and I almost always end up with tears in my eyes.
My niece and her husbandhave three children after a tubal pregnancy and two miscarriages. They are such good parents and have lovely children. Good luck to you and the little ones. Have fun, they grow up way too fast.
I enjoyed reading your story-- so very glad you got your miracles! I have a little one about to turn three as well. How has the time gone by so fast!?!?
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